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Explore the Perfect Funny Quotes - FindIpInfo
There is no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
People always ask me, Were you funny as a child? Well, no, I was an accountant.
If I had to live my life again, I do make the same mistakes, only sooner.
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
Men do not care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
You see much more of your children once they leave home.
One man folly is another man wife.
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
I do luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Do not forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
I have always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.