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Explore the Perfect Funny Quotes - FindIpInfo
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it is dirty.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
All men are equal before fish.
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that is 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says go outside.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
My life needs editing.
Men are only as loyal as their options.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
I do not need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
You are only as good as your last haircut.
Be obscure clearly.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you she is after your barn.