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My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.

All my children inherited perfect pitch.

I am thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.

I am a misplaced American, but do not know where I was misplaced.

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

If man knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they had never marry.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

I am kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.

I do never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.

I am the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they are home. I am that way at Saks.

Trust is hard to come by. That is why my circle is small and tight. I am kind of funny about making new friends.

I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing Funny Face when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I was not prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it.

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

It is a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.