Find the Perfect Quote | Explore Our Curated Categories for Every Occasion

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.

I have never been married, but I tell people I am divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

I like marriage. The idea.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

Communism is like one big phone company.

There is nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you are insightful about it.

I do not have to look up my family tree, because I know that I am the sap.

There is no such thing as soy milk. It is soy juice.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

There is a great power in words, if you do not hitch too many of them together.